Thursday, October 28, 2004
haiz..... 28oct2004... wat a day.... it seems normal to me even though its actuali my special day... im even not excited for dis day to come... coz my bday wish was not granted... but aniway.. thankz to every1 whu haf wish me happy bday.. especially my love ones n ppl whu remembered...
so dis is d poem dat i wrote for her....
==========================
i know it's hard for you
to understand what i'm going through.
i got a heart full of pain,
and head full of stress
since you got someone new.
i wonder if it's true,
that i'm being replaced
with that someone new.
all i wish it wasn't true
'cos i still need you.
i'm also wondering,
if i'm still important to you,
'cos days becoming so boring,
without you,
calling and pampering.
you might be thinking,
why i love you so much.
it's all because of feelings,
that got me crushed
which i wasn't really expecting.
you still remember?
you said you like me,
but you're not meant for me.
but when there is a chance,
why did you set it free?
because of you i felt love,
you taught me love,
showed me the true meaning of love.
but sadly you left me,
as the one you once loved.
i know what your love is truly about,
you're loveable, sweet,
understanding, honest,
and sincere towards me.
something i can't live without.
i never care of someone,
the way i care for you.
and of course,
i never love someone,
the way i love you.
i did what you want me to do,
which is to prove you,
that my love is true.
but now it's up to you,
to believe how deep my love is for you.
i've given you all.
things that will never make you fall.
things most girls want from their dream guy,
where money can't buy,
enough tender, love and care of mine.
i've given all my best,
i've done all i can.
i was brave to confess.
but in the end,
the result was a mess.
i've given you hope,
strength,
tender, love and care.
but what is it so special
that you have found "there".
what's wrong with me?
why you chose him instead?
i thought i've given you everything.
that will make us perfect
but what else is lacking?
i wasn't forcing myself,
or desperate of love.
but the feelings just grow by itself,
and same goes for now,
that i can't let it easily go.
i know you are happier than me,
'cos you got that guy by your side.
while i'm living life in misery.
but didn't you realise that i've given you lots of chance,
for you to still have me by your side.
you may think that i'm gone,
but you're wrong.
i'm just backing off.
'cos i don't wanna argue no more,
or i'll be stress to the core.
you might not know this.
i still can't stop thinking of you.
every day and every night,
i just can't help it,
'cos i truly miss you.
i hope now you understand,
what it's like to be me.
my heart is now hard to be mend.
i cried, 'cos it's bleeding,
after being stubborn not for nothing,
i was stubborn for the things that are missing.
now that you're gone,
without a telephone call.
but always remember,
that i'm always here,
waiting to catch you when you fall.
zul, posted @ 2:55 PM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
today's poem of mine...
what's this?
this isn't my dream.
i didn't ask for misery,
neither for being lonely.
i used to like it.
strong love between her and me,
it was so sweet.
but now it's missing.
i'm crying.
my heart is bleeding.
why must it be me?
why me?!?!
zul, posted @ 9:35 PM
haiz............... gone....... no hope......... ruin........... dats wat happen to my wish for dis year bday... i wish for her to come back to me... but u made ur final decision early.... n its such a dissappointment... it doestnt make me happy for dis year bday at all... looks like he made u cruel... u didnt even care bout me animore... u dun even feel wat im feeling like u used to... n u dun even feel wat my heart says animore..... wat happen to u dear?!?!?!?! dun u noe dat he destroyed our happiness?!?!?!? wheres dat loving gal i noe?!?! wheres d real u?!?!?!? u dun even gif me a very gd reason b4 u leave....
y u made me like dis?!?!?!? y muz it b me?!?!?!?!? y me?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
================================
Simple Plan - Welcome To My Life
================================
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like
[x2]
Welcome to my life [x3]
================================
zul, posted @ 2:32 AM
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
WHY ME?!?!?!?!?!?!
zul, posted @ 2:52 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2004
first of all.. i wanna wish HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KAK SYEEQEEN!!! may ur wishes come true....
ok now.. where shud i start... hmm... yesterday wen for bbq at mr low's sis's condo at bukit batok.... quite fun n tiring coz of all d working... d condo was nice... got swimming pool n sum of them wen for a swim even though they didnt bring any extra clothes... hmm... we still havent finish bbq all d food wen it was 10pm... so sum of us brought home d food... i took d bus home wif mr low... we talk while on d way.... den i reach home arnd 11+... wash up n im stuck on d comp... i was actuali reali tired.... my legs were alreadi pain n im yawning... but i managed to stay up till its time for sahur... so after sahur juz now i chat wif my mum.... den i sleep till 4pm.... my dad wake me up arnd 2pm but i continue sleeping....
hmm... so dats all for now... i dunno wat else to talk about....
[missing her badly... i still love u dear... wen r u coming back to me?]
zul, posted @ 2:15 AM
Saturday, October 23, 2004
d meaning of a kiss?
1) Kiss on the hand......... I adore you
2) Kiss on the cheek....... I just want to be friends
3) Kiss on the neck......... I want you
4) Kiss on the lips............I love you
5) Kiss on the ears.......... I'm just playing
6) Kiss anywhere else..... Let's not get carried away
7) Look in your eyes........ Kiss me
8) Playing with your hair... I can't live w/o you
9) Hand on your waist....... I luv u 2 mch 2 let you go
izzit true?? i dun think so... a kiss had its own meaning from d kisser... rite?
ok... now dis is true...
To love someone is nothing...
To be loved by someone is something...
To be loved by the one you love is everything...
zul, posted @ 4:28 AM
Saturday, October 16, 2004
haiz... i dun feel like blogging animore.. coz there seem to be nothing left to talk about... kak syeeqeen, u shud noe wat i mean... ok.. shhHH~!looks like im left here waiting for sum1 to mend my brokenheart... so dis song is dedicated for "her"...
btw.. selamat menjalani ibadah puasa kepada semue umat islam...
zul, posted @ 4:42 PM
Monday, October 11, 2004
haiz... life is getting so bored every single day especially wen she haf found sum1 to replace me...... hmm... so last saturday(09.10.04) i wen to sentosa wif my malay classmates... actuali i dun feel like going coz i dun reali haf d mood to haf fun... but quz n aziela told me to put all my problem aside n stop thinking of her for d moment.... hmm... it was fun... but i was still thinking of her actuali... we played soccer among ourself n also against 4 ite guys n we won.... swim, make pyramid but didnt get to take a pic of it, buried elmo wif lots of sands till he cant move his hands n legs... so arnd 7+ we r off to harbourfront... sum ppl wen sumwhere else while me, quz, zul, hasni n elmo eat at d food court... after eating hasni n elmo wen home... me, quz n zul wen to plaza singapura coz quz wanna buy movie tix for d next day... on d way there we sing sum songs like, the reason, look what you've done, like a stone.... but we translate d songs to malay.... its funny.... so after buying tix we tot of going home taking bus.. but instead we walk arnd looking for vending machine... i said we r juz like ppl whu runaway from home... coz we walk arnd wif our bags packed wif towel, clothes, soup.... den we call ourself "runaway boys".... we even made story of ourself like we r homeless coz we never pay for our room n den we tot dat we can make sum money by making album of d songs dat we sang juz now... hmm... got sum drinks.. sit near bus stop.... we drink n they smoke first b4 taking d bus... den we took a pic...
we look so emo seh... den d next day i edit d pic n made dis...
i like dis pic... i cant stop looking at it... n today i edit d pic again n made dis...
it looks like an album cover... nice rite... ;) and those r d songs dat we translate...
zul, posted @ 3:35 PM
Friday, October 08, 2004
-bout her part2-
so.. sum ppl didnt noe dat i gave her a letter on 03.10.04... i dun wanna say bout d letter actuali coz im reali ashame of myself... d main thing i wanna say in d letter was "wud u make me d happiest person on earth today by accepting me as ur guy, ur one n only love?" i was quite nervous while waiting for her to gif me d answer to dat question... so she msg me arnd mid nite after receiving dat letter(04.10.04)... she said.. "sori zul.. i cant be wif u..." n not even a reason y... i didnt reply coz i was alreadi shock to get dat answer... d next day i msg her n ask for d reason... she said she wanna gif me a letter instead... i received d letter d next day(05.10.04)... her letter reali hurt my feelings n broke my heart into pieces... dis r sum things dat she said... n my comments...
.she fell in love wif sum1 else..
=wats so special bout dat sum1????
.her feelings for me had fade away...
=but my feelings have not..
.she cant accept my love coz sum1 had stole her heart from me...
=n y i cant get ur heart back??
.she is not suitable for sum1 loving n caring as me...
=i tot all gals wan a guy whu is loving n caring???? isnt dat wat u said i am?? or u prefer having a guy whu is not loving n caring???? i dun think so...
.she dun love me animore...
=im still loving u~~
.dun do anything bad dat can hurt myself juz bcoz of her
=i alreadi did... i haf an "E" carved on my left hand...
.she cant let me hang and stuck on her all d time
=but y dat sum1 can?????????
.she need her own freedom to noe n make friends
=haf i said dat u cannot make frens????
those r only sum part of her letter... n dis is wat i msg her after dat....
05.10.04
"hey.. im totally sad rite now. i noe i cant force u. but i dun understand y d other guy can steal ur heart from me while i cant get u back?? haiz.. atleast can we still b bez frenz like wat we usuali r? please.. i noe we r drifting apart slowly n i dunno y. i reali miss all ur daily msg, cal n even miss cal. but im sure we can return to as close as b4. pls.. u noe im alreadi strez wif my N Level n im even not fully prepared for it. i dun wanna get strez all d time. im alreadi suffering of depression. i even think of hurting myself like slashing my hand yesterday coz i feel so hopeless n worthless. so d onli thing i wan now is dat we return as bez frenz n try to get as close as b4. i noe we can do it. atleast by getting to hear from u everyday like last time can make me happy in sum way. please... do it for d sake of both of us... not onli me.. im begging u dear... (missing u... still loving u...)"
haiz... but another problem came up... we r going on our separate way since she wanna stick to dat motha fucker ONLY... haiz.... ok fine... hope dat we meet again 1 day... n i said "hope dat u noe whu to look for wen theres no1 u can trust ani more... n dats if im still alive..."
haiz....... welcome to my life.......... life was miserable... life was not wonderful... life was worse den i tot... LIFE SUX!!!!!!!!!!!
zul, posted @ 11:25 PM
Thursday, October 07, 2004
n level still havent finish actuali... 2morrow gonna b my last paper which is maths paper 2.... haiz..... im so bored of talking bout my life... coz it reali sux... its not wonderful at all.... its getting worse each day.... i wonder wen will my life b so much fun.... y my life is like shit? y my heart haf to b broken in dis life? n y d person whu broke my heart is d person whu love me?? y wudnt she wan to be reali wif me?? y she choose sum1 else?? y she wudnt wan to protect her love towards me from being stolen?? y is she willing to leave me alone so easily now wen she said b4 dat she'll always b by my side n will never dump or leave me alone??? haiz.................................
=====================
Good Charlotte - Predictable
=====================
Something isn't right,
I can feel it again, feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming, still I don't know why,
I let you in.
[Chorus]
I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's going wrong...)
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable... (So predictable...)
So take your empty words,
Your broken promises.
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with this.
I could give it away, give it away,
I'm doing everything I should've.
And now I'm making a change,
I'm living today.
I'm giving back what you gave me,
I don't need anything.
[Chorus]
Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken.
Why I am I so cold,
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...
[Chorus]
Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love, (So predictable...)
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me
And I know what it is... (So predictable...)
What it is is right now.
=====================
zul, posted @ 4:50 PM
